One time in particular that will be burned in my brain forever is when my adversary decided to chase me all over the playground saying he was going to squash me! Before I knew it I had been shoved in front of a kid on a swing with no time to react and sure enough the kid kicked me over onto the ground and I could barely breathe. I looked up and saw Trent laughing his head off at the incident. I wanted to scream at him as loud as I could, but I was too busy wheezing and trying to regain the ability to stand. By the time I could get up Trent was gone, and I was left with a giant bruise.
I liked this post quite a bit because of the imagery. There could have been a bit more 'show' about the chasing part, such as 'lungs burning, breath coming fast', but overall, I really liked it.
ReplyDeleteI think it's good. I really like the beginning, but maybe a bit more detail could back up the incident and make it hit us harder (:
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive words. I like how you start with the names that bothered you, then made the story dramatic by inserting Trent's name last. Very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning made me want to keep reading. I could picture the moment in my head because of all the very good descriptive words. I enjoyed reading this :)
ReplyDeleteIt was well written, especially about the running part, nice job :)
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